r/OrthodoxChristianity Reddit 17 hours ago

My ex-boyfriend, a catechumen, died by suicide two weeks ago

The title sums it up. I miss him terribly. I am also a catechumen, but continuing my catechesis feels wrong now. I do not want to be baptized without him. When we first started dating he told me his goal was to be baptized before he died. I joked and asked if he was planning to die soon. Looking back, it is horrible to think his plan all along was to take his own life.

I am staying in the Church, yet every Liturgy now brings me sadness, even though I know it should not.

I am in a strange stage of grief. His death has made it hard to focus on some of my responsibilities. I am considering going back on antidepressants to manage the pain. After the funeral I spent days crying and staying in bed; I was also sick, which made everything harder. I have accepted that he is gone, but I still wish more than anything that I could go back in time and bring him back.

I do not even see his name on the pamphlets at church that list the catechumens. He loved the Church so much, and that absence is deeply disheartening.

Main points

Grief over the suicide of an ex-boyfriend who was a catechumen
Struggle to continue catechesis and face baptism without him
Sadness during the Liturgy despite remaining in the Church
Considering antidepressants to cope with the pain
His name missing from the catechumen list at church

7 opinions in the discussion 6 participants, 3 replies to each other The opinion with the most support Please, I beg you, don't quit praying for his soul right now. Keep praying for him and his salvation, and if you can, try to find a Spiritual Father at your baptism who can keep praying for him for you, so that you can heal. Read the discussion

49 comments at the source Original on Reddit

Discussion · 7

Opinions are anonymous retellings of real comments from the original discussion. The same colour marks the same participant.

opinion#2205 1 likes at the source
Please, I beg you, don't quit praying for his soul right now. Keep praying for him and his salvation, and if you can, try to find a Spiritual Father at your baptism who can keep praying for him for you, so that you can heal.
- opinion#2209 1 likes at the source
  
  Every time you stand before God's throne you can pray for his soul. God is merciful. I'm so sorry.
opinion#2206 1 likes at the source

My deepest condolences to you and to his family. If you need to slow down or pause your catechism, that's understandable, and it's fine to tell your priest. This is a tragic, traumatic thing, so of course you may need time to grieve. What I'd encourage is to keep going to church. Friends I know who've struggled like he did, or with mental illness, told me that having a church community matters for their mental stability. I'm sure there are others at your parish just as shattered by his death as you are, and you can mourn together and take each next step forward. Could you share his name or an alias? I and others here would gladly pray for him (and for you).
opinion#2207 1 likes at the source
May his Memory be Eternal. May Perpetual Light shine on him and may his soul rest in peace. And may you be held close by love and grace through all this. I'm so sorry, sister. If you're comfortable sharing, I'd be honored to pray for him and you by name (not that God needs it, of course). I've lost loved ones to suicide and suffered through loved ones' attempts, and I've battled ideation myself (Bipolar I) badly enough to need inpatient care, so thank you for sharing with your Orthodox family. St. Dymphna of Geel intercedes for those with mental illness. And since he was a catechumen coming into the Church, if you'd like, St. Varus the Martyr intercedes for those who die outside the Church. May their prayers be with you and his soul. He and you are in the hands of a loving, merciful Savior, Jesus Christ our God. His love is fearfully unfathomable and beyond comprehending, and it is for you and for him, today and forever. This won't erase the pain, the grief, or the reality of how he died, but Christ suffers it with you, right beside you. Thanks to Him, death, sorrow, sickness and fallenness don't get the final say, and never will. God bless you and yours.
- opinion#2210 1 likes at the source
  Yes, of course, prayers for Mary and Evan. My ex was bipolar too, but unmedicated and he refused to take his meds. He'd gone back to jail the night before, and that next morning he took his life.
  - opinion#2211 1 likes at the source
    
    Thank you. Sorry if I got too wordy or too flowery back there. Honestly there are no words for something like this. Thank you, Mary, and may Evan's Memory be Eternal!
opinion#2208 1 likes at the source

I'm so sorry. But please, if you need medicine, take it. This is not the time for pride, it's the time to get the support you need so you can heal. God is in medicine too.