Mother's Concerns About Orthodox Infant Baptism Addressed by Experienced Parents

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• − opinion#516 29 likes at the source

  Three of my own children have been baptized and I've watched dozens of infant baptisms, while priests have probably done hundreds over their careers. Some babies cry, some don't. Some cry right up until the moment they're immersed and then go quiet. Priests are gentle and quick, and the baby is back in your arms before they can get truly upset. I've even witnessed one where the baby stayed completely silent the whole time. As for communion, we're talking about less than a teaspoon of wine mixed with water — we wouldn't withhold the precious blood of Christ from a baby.

  • − opinion#530 2 likes at the source

    A teaspoon feels like at least ten times bigger than what infants actually get.
• − opinion#517 14 likes at the source

  Babies nearly always cry at baptism — they cry at anything unfamiliar. It's perfectly safe. If you're worried, just talk to your priest. It's worth finding out what "style" of immersion he uses so you're comfortable: some do a quick swoosh, some a full dunk, some set the baby in the font and pour. Knowing beforehand removes the surprise. I have my own preferences among the styles, but millions upon millions of babies have been baptized. If there's a *specific* risk concerning *your* baby, raise it with your priest well ahead of time. Every story I've heard of something going wrong could have been prevented by that advance conversation. Regarding communion, priests know babies can't eat solids — they'll touch a little to the lips, maybe with a trace of the body. Nobody's giving your baby a big chunk of bread.

  • − opinion#531 8 likes at the source

    Thanks for explaining. Yes, I'm really scared of the baby choking on the wine or bread.

    • − opinion#538 11 likes at the source

      They won't choke on wine — babies are natural at drinking. And remember it's diluted with water, which softens the alcohol sensation that might trigger coughing.

      • − opinion#544 6 likes at the source

        Plus it isn't cold, so it won't come as a shock.
    • − opinion#539 3 likes at the source

      Babies receive such a tiny amount — often just a touch on the lips. We have a four-month-old, baptized at 41 weeks, who has been receiving ever since. Not on solids yet.
    • − opinion#540 1 likes at the source

      Our priest gives our kids the tiniest bit of communion! Like a small sip of the blood and a little crumb of the body.
• − opinion#518 12 likes at the source

  As a mom in the digital age, there are endless voices claiming that all sorts of ordinary childhood experiences are traumatic. I understand. Like many others have said, this is nothing more than a baby can handle — and honestly it'll be harder on Mom than on the baby!

  • − opinion#532 3 likes at the source

    Underneath all this worry I sense a real fear of permanently traumatizing your child, and I want to address that, since others have covered your other concerns better than I could. In attachment theory, the ideal is the "good enough" parent: you'll never shield them from every harm, even ones you don't recognize at the time. But as long as you know how to repair — offer a genuine apology, give them room to say what they need, and remain a safe person they can return to — you're very unlikely to cause the lasting damage you fear. It's parents who can't admit fault and blame the child for noticing who inflict the deep, enduring wounds. A mistake you own and correct gets remembered as an unpleasant moment that got better — and you get to be the one who made it better. You clearly love your child as a real person, which already puts you far above many people I've known, including my own parents. I hope you can breathe and go easier on yourself. I'm 40 with no children of my own for many reasons, but raising and reparenting myself taught me all this, and I hear fears that may well be unfounded, plus huge pressure on you to be perfect. Good news: you don't have to be. Bad news: you won't be anyway, because messing up, getting up, and trying again is part of being human. I hope that thought brings some relief, even if it takes a while to fully believe — bodies are slower than minds.

    • − opinion#541 2 likes at the source

      There's a lot of background I haven't shared here. For instance, our path to having her was long and difficult, and the birth itself was extremely traumatic. She spent her first days in the NICU, and at one point I honestly didn't know whether I'd ever see my baby alive. All of that obviously works on me subconsciously. So I get that from the outside some of my worries may look excessive — but if you'd lived through what I have, I think these fears would be easier to understand.
    • − opinion#542 1 likes at the source

      Thank you so much for this ❤️ You're right that much of my anxiety comes from being terrified of accidentally doing something that harms her forever. I put enormous pressure on myself to get everything right, and I know that's unrealistic. I loved how you explained being a "good enough" parent, especially the part about repair. I think I needed to hear that I'm allowed to make mistakes too, as long as I acknowledge them, apologize, and do better. And thank you for saying it seems like I really love my daughter — I truly, truly do. Sometimes I'm just so afraid of failing her because she means everything to me ❤️
• − opinion#519 9 likes at the source

  You really are worrying needlessly. Does your husband show any trauma from his own baptism? Yes, babies cry at baptisms — they also cry during feedings, getting dressed, pooping, or just because. We recently baptized a very distressed, confused two-year-old, and he still runs up for communion with the other kids and clearly holds no grudge against our priest.

  • − opinion#533 5 likes at the source

    Crying is the only way they can communicate. It might mean "the air feels strange on my wet skin," or "what's that furry thing on that man's face" (a beard), or even "I didn't pee, so why am I wet?" In my experience babies handle baptism more easily than toddlers — babies often swim instinctively, while untrained toddlers usually can't, so I'd guess the same applies to how they react to immersion.
• − opinion#520 9 likes at the source

  Both my kids cried heavily at their baptisms. My son was a baby; my daughter was two and kicked and screamed the entire time — it looked genuinely traumatic. Now the priest is her favorite person, she loves watching babies get baptized, and she talks about receiving communion all week before liturgy. She's not even four. Don't worry!
• − opinion#521 6 likes at the source

  I understand the worries. Most priests warm the water in the font so the baby isn't shocked, and many parents bathe their baby nightly in the week leading up to baptism so the child is used to water. Beyond that, I've never met anyone baptized as an infant who remembers it, let alone found it traumatic. Have you been able to speak with your husband's priest, or even better the priest's wife, about your concerns?

  • − opinion#534 2 likes at the source

    Sadly I won't get the chance to speak with them beforehand, but thank you for the kind words.

    • − opinion#543 3 likes at the source

      Do you still have time, or is the baptism this weekend? Someone else here mentioned some priests use "fresh water" (??), so I suppose well or spring water, and apparently it isn't heated. Every priest I know warms the water for the child's safety and comfort, but I'd definitely want to find out beforehand! Seriously, talk to someone who knows and can reassure you — maybe the godparents, if the priest or his wife isn't reachable.
• − opinion#522 6 likes at the source

  Both of my kids cried — my youngest screamed the whole time until she got communion. Our priest joked she has a bright future in the church choir :) I totally get the worry, but priests are well trained at baptizing babies. Regarding the alcohol: as others said, it's diluted wine before consecration and only a tiny amount is given. A banana contains about ten times more alcohol than a baby receives at communion.
• − opinion#523 5 likes at the source

  For babies the priest usually just dips the spoon and puts it in their mouth, quick wipe, then a pacifier if they use one. Some churches commune 50 babies a week. It's fine for them to be frightened — they understand what's happening better than we do, and usually they aren't scared. The water should be nice and warm. How they react mostly depends on their temperament; everything is gentle, careful, smooth and practiced. I'm surprised how many don't cry at all — honestly the younger the better within normal guidelines, since their strong reflexes naturally help.
• − opinion#524 5 likes at the source

  Besides what others have said, remember that if they truly hate it, they can cry a lot. It can be really hard on you as the mother, but I promise your baby will be fine. My son SCREEEEEAMED. He hated water and strangers alike. Eight months later he's perfectly fine and doing great in swimming lessons.
• − opinion#525 4 likes at the source

  As others have reassured you, the baby will be fine! But the other traditions haven't been covered. I can't guess what word you meant 🤣 but I think you're referring to what's called ξελάδωμα (kseladoma) in Greece or μύρα (mira) in Cyprus. After the baptism you don't bathe the baby for 3 days — that's how long the chrismation oil stays on. Since the baptism day counts as day one, it's really 2 days later. Traditionally the godparent comes to your home and bathes the baby, then washes all the baptism clothes that touched the oil in that bathwater. The water must be disposed of like anything holy — either in flowing water (a river or sea!) or somewhere no one will walk. Then you add fresh water, wash the clothes again, dispose of it, and repeat once more, so the clothes get washed 3 times total. Traditionally this is an event where you invite close family and offer a meal, but it doesn't strictly have to be the godparent as long as someone does it. There's no set time — afternoon or evening, whatever suits you and any guests. As for the 3 following Sundays, yes, the baby needs holy communion 3 times after the baptism. Sometimes communion is given at the baptism itself (more likely if it's on a Sunday and some was saved), and that counts as one. A weekday liturgy can count too, though Sunday is usually easiest. Traditionally the godparent comes to church with you and takes the…

  • − opinion#535 3 likes at the source

    Exactly right. My babies didn't cry — they actually enjoyed their baptisms. They all received Holy Communion as the sacrament wrapped up. Usually the baby sleeps afterward; mine slept through most of the dinner reception. I also left the anointed oils on for three days, then followed those exact steps for the first bath. On the next three Sundays the godparent takes them up for communion while I held the Lambada, the baptismal candle. The baby gets the same communion from the same chalice and spoon as everyone else. OP is overthinking this.
  • − opinion#536 2 likes at the source

    Thank you so much for the explanation — it really helps me understand.
• − opinion#526 2 likes at the source

  We baptized my nephew (15 months) over the weekend, and we joked that he was mad at my mother-in-law because she'd been holding him and then handed him to the priest to be dunked. He stayed upset with her for a whole 20 minutes before being completely fine again. Yes, the baby goes 3 weeks in a row with the godparents for communion, and after that the parents should take him every Sunday.
• − opinion#527 1 likes at the source

  The tradition (or expectation?) is that for the first three Sundays after baptism the godparent(s) attend Liturgy with the family and are the ones to bring the child to communion. Usually a parent holds the lit baptismal candle and walks behind them. This shows the church community that the child is newly Illumined and helps establish the habit of regular church attendance. If the godparents can't make it (say they live far away), the family can still carry the lit candle those first three Sundays. When godparents are available, they're encouraged to bring the child to communion as often as possible, not just those 3 Sundays. Many churches have an annual "Godparents Sunday" to encourage godparents to attend and commune with the child. But it's not a separate ceremony (and I've never heard it called anything else) — it's simply intentionally receiving communion together those first 3 Sundays.

  • − opinion#537 1 likes at the source

    Also — there's no deadline by which you must baptize your child. Some families wait until the child is a bit older (a year or more) because they're nervous (no need to be!!) or so relatives can arrange to attend. Others want it sooner. My husband saw no reason to wait and wanted it right after the first 40 days — I talked him into waiting until 3 months. We did make it a priority to baptize before taking the baby on any flights (fairly common in the Greek Church, I think). I'd say do it whenever you feel comfortable, but don't feel rushed. It's a joyous celebration!
• − opinion#528 1 likes at the source

  Orthodox mom here: I had similar worries when my baby was baptized. The best person to discuss your concerns and clarify what happens afterward is your priest. Ask him everything — he can handle it! You'll surely get helpful comments here, but keep in mind this is Reddit, and online people are just sharing their own experiences and perceptions. The priest performing everything for you will give the most accurate answers. Congrats, and many years to your baby!
• − opinion#529 1 likes at the source

  The priest who baptized my third child was old school and just plunged her fully under the water. As he lifted her out she started the inhale to cry — but he dunked her again, and then again. I'm sure it was a shock. I wouldn't call it trauma, and despite some snorting and coughing, she was fine within a minute. I'll admit it was unnerving how casually he did it. But in every other baptism I've witnessed, priests have been far more careful and gentle, like simply pouring water over the baby's head — which tells me most priests are just as concerned about this as you are. Most of our priests are parents themselves and are probably terrified of hurting a baby. So I don't think you have anything to fear.