r/OrthodoxChristianity Reddit yesterday

Afraid to return to confession after falling again: readers offer encouragement

A person preparing for confession describes being terrified to return to their spiritual father. After months of living in a worldly way, they had confessed to fornication and premarital relations, and felt their priest responded with deep disappointment. Though their circumstances did not change, they fell into the same temptation again and now feel ashamed and afraid to go back, a fear compounded by a language barrier that makes communication with the priest difficult.

They ask for help and encouragement. The responses are uniformly compassionate and pastoral rather than judgmental. Commenters normalize the experience of repeated falls, stressing that everyone sins after confession and that healing from sexual passions takes time, citing St John the Long-suffering as an example of long perseverance in struggle.

Several note that the very shame the poster feels is a sign of a working conscience, and that priests would far rather hear the worst sins confessed than lose a penitent to silence and avoidance. Others point out that God already knows the sins before confession, so the sacrament is a means of releasing the burden and receiving strength, not a surprise report to a disappointed judge.

Practical suggestions include going anyway despite the fear, working with the priest on concrete strategies to avoid the occasion of sin, attending more regularly, and even, if the anxiety is overwhelming, finding another church where confession feels more anonymous. One commenter shares their own nervousness before a first lifetime confession before chrismation, mentioning how readings from St Paisios reshaped their understanding of confession as healing rather than punishment.

Another jokes that even without a language barrier, misunderstandings with a priest happen, reassuring the poster that imperfect communication does not invalidate repentance. The overall message: return to confession, trust the spiritual father's love, and persist without giving up.

Main points

The poster fears returning to confession after relapsing into the same sexual sin, worsened by a language barrier with their priest.
Commenters stress that repeated falls are normal; healing from lust takes time, citing St John the Long-suffering.
Shame is framed as a sign of conscience, not a reason to avoid the sacrament.
Priests would rather hear the worst sins confessed than have a penitent stay away; God already knows everything.
Practical advice: go anyway, work with the priest on avoiding temptation, consider regular attendance or another church if fear blocks confession.

28 comments at the source Original on Reddit

Discussion · 14

Opinions are anonymous retellings of real comments from the original discussion. The same colour marks the same participant.

opinion#470 25 likes at the source
Same here, I have my first confession ever coming up this Saturday before my chrismation. I've been listening to talks by St. Paisios about confession and they've given me a whole new perspective on it — how it brings forgiveness and healing to the soul. I'm excited but also really nervous, so I totally get how you feel.
- opinion#479 6 likes at the source
  
  No need to be nervous for your first confession — there's nothing you could tell your priest that would disappoint him haha!
- opinion#480 2 likes at the source
  
  What were you listening to from St. Paisios?
opinion#471 24 likes at the source
We all fall, the point is to get back up. You'll probably sin again after confession — you're not Christ. And if it's sexual sin, speaking from my own experience, healing takes time. Lust is a sickness of the soul. Look at St John the Long-suffering, who fought those passions for an extremely long time. What counts is that you keep going, don't give up, and rise again to repent. Paradise is full of sinners who repented — many Saints committed serious sins before becoming Saints. And if fear is holding you back, just ask God for help. I struggle with fear of confession too, and only praying to Him has gotten me through it. So don't be afraid. As my priest says, fear is faith in the devil.
- opinion#481 6 likes at the source
  
  Thank you, so so much. God bless you!
opinion#472 5 likes at the source

The fact that you feel shame shows you know what you're doing is wrong, and confession hurts because you don't want to let your priest or God down. Work together with your priest so this doesn't keep happening.
opinion#473 4 likes at the source
I'd say go. If you feel that terrible about it, maybe try another church for confession so it feels a bit more anonymous. The main thing is that you return and try again to do better. Going regularly should also help keep your mind away from those reactions. May God bless and guide you.
- opinion#482 2 likes at the source
  Is that actually something you can do?
  - opinion#483 1 likes at the source
    
    Sure, why not! It's the same Scripture and the same God :) Plus sometimes you'd rather the people you see every day not know your secrets — you can tell someone else instead. If it's really weighing on you, I'd also suggest therapy, that helped me :) Hope everything works out for you, and God bless.
opinion#474 3 likes at the source

I also keep falling into the same sins over and over. And even though my priest and I speak the same language, we somehow still manage to completely misunderstand each other lol. It's fine. Just go and confess. I can promise you, your spiritual father would be far more disappointed to never hear a confession from you at all than to hear the worst sins laid out in one.
opinion#475 1 likes at the source

I have the same worry, and sometimes I wish there were a priest I could confess to by email or phone so it would feel more anonymous, but I just don't know of any...
opinion#476 1 likes at the source

Confession is really humbling. Just be honest. The priest has heard everything, and far worse. I'm actually looking forward to my next confession because I've been struggling with some sins lately and haven't felt close to God. Confession made me feel like I had a clean slate! It's great, though definitely scary to imagine telling someone your sins.
opinion#477 1 likes at the source

God already knows everything you're going to confess before you even walk in. Let go of the burden in confession. Face your shame before God and release it. We're human, and confessing regularly will give you the strength to resist future temptations.
opinion#478 1 likes at the source

Your spiritual father loves you whether you sin or not. He's not there to judge you but to help you. I struggle with sexual sin too, and confessing that stuff can be scary, but in the end they'd much rather hear all my ugly sins than have me not repent and possibly endanger my salvation. Also remember, your priest is far from perfect and has done wrong things too.