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Becoming the right husband before seeking a godly wife

Every man says he wants a loyal, God-fearing wife who values marriage and family. But are you actually becoming the kind of man who is ready for her? From an Orthodox Christian perspective, dating should never be driven by lust, loneliness, or physical attraction alone.

It is about discernment, patience, intentionality, and finding someone who shares your desire to grow closer to Christ. Do not just look for beauty. Look for character, humility, faith, and the qualities of a future mother and wife. And remember, while you are praying for a godly woman, she may be praying for a godly husband.

Before asking God for the right wife, work on becoming the right husband. Marriage is not simply about finding someone to love. It is about two people walking towards Christ together. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."

Main points

Every man wants a godly wife, but are you becoming the man ready for her?
Dating must be driven by discernment and shared desire for Christ, not lust or loneliness
Seek character, humility, and faith over physical beauty
While you pray for a godly wife, she may be praying for a godly husband
Marriage means two people walking toward Christ together, modeled on Christ's love for the Church

6 opinions in the discussion 5 participants, 3 replies to each other The opinion with the most support Why is all of this about what you want a wife to do for you, with no thought about what you bring to the table? Why would the woman you want even be interested in you? You can't change or decide how women are, but you can change yourself into someone she'd… Read the discussion

7 comments at the source Original on Instagram

Discussion · 6

Opinions are anonymous retellings of real comments from the original discussion. The same colour marks the same participant.

opinion#1945 5 likes at the source
Why is all of this about what you want a wife to do for you, with no thought about what you bring to the table? Why would the woman you want even be interested in you? You can't change or decide how women are, but you can change yourself into someone she'd actually want. Ask yourself, are you marriage material?
- opinion#1946 7 likes at the source
  
  Did this person even watch the video?
- opinion#1947 4 likes at the source
  
  I actually agree with them, and this fits very well with Orthodox Christianity. Marriage isn't just about finding the right woman, it's also about becoming the right man. Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. That's a huge responsibility, with sacrifice, humility, leadership, faithfulness and selflessness. A Christian man should examine his own character, repent of his sins and work toward being a godly husband. That said, there's nothing wrong with talking about the virtues a man should look for in a future wife, just as a woman should be discerning when picking a husband. Both have responsibilities before God. The video was addressing one side of this, not dismissing the other. God bless! 🙏
opinion#1944 4 likes at the source
A man becomes the average of the 5 people closest to him. So if you hang around people stuck in toxic relationships, constantly betting on sports, and other bad stuff, how do you expect to attract the right wife while you're not living right?
- opinion#1948 1 likes at the source
  
  Absolutely agree with them, well said! Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed." The people around us shape our habits, values and character. If a man wants a godly wife, he should first work on becoming a godly husband. That means looking at his own behaviour but also the influences he lets into his life. You can't build a Christ-centred marriage while holding on to a lifestyle that pulls you away from Christ. Surround yourself with people who push you to grow in faith, virtue and discipline. 🙏☦️
opinion#1943

A lot of guys also want to find a woman but aren't ready to be a man themselves. You can't pray for a perfect wife when you're not ready to be a husband. If you can't provide financially and lead spiritually, you're not ready for a woman. Naturally, the more you work on yourself, the closer you get to finding her.