We Carry You Still: An Orthodox Ministry for Miscarriage and Infant Loss

What the video says

Jocelyn Abad, president of We Carry You Still, lost three babies to miscarriage in 2020 and 2021: Eden at 10 weeks, Thomas at 6, and James at 15, after six uneventful pregnancies. Unable to find faithful resources, she was comforted by a Protestant ministry, then told her mother the Church needed a ministry that speaks from the sacramental heart, and her mother, who had just retired, said "Let's do it."

We Carry You Still, incorporated in 2024, trains clergy and medical providers, runs a website with practical and spiritual resources, and gives free memory boxes in the Phoenix metro area, packing its 1,000th box this past month. Jocelyn says most first trimester losses happen at home with no instruction about the baby's remains, and the ministry teaches that dignified burial for even the smallest dead flows from an embodied faith and the hope of the resurrection.

She urges people to say "I'm so sorry for your loss," "your baby's life mattered," and to offer to pray for the baby by name, while avoiding "it was God's will," "at least you can get pregnant," and "just trust God." To grieving parents she says their baby mattered and is remembered, and the church can still offer prayers for them no matter how long ago the loss was.

Key moments

1. 1:04 Jocelyn and her husband lost three babies to miscarriage in 2020 and 2021, Eden at 10 weeks, Thomas at 6, and James at 15, after having six living children.
2. 3:10 She clung to the Theotokos in her grief because she knows what it is to bury her child, and told her mother the Church needed a ministry that speaks from the sacramental heart; her mother, just retired, said "Let's do it."
3. 4:10 The ministry has three branches: training for clergy, ministry leaders and OBGYN offices, a website with practical, emotional and spiritual resources, and free memory boxes in the Phoenix metro area; it incorporated in 2024 and packed its 1,000th box this past month.
4. 7:18 The ministry rests on the belief that every person is made in God's image and willed by God from conception, that the faith is embodied, and that burying even the smallest dead matters because of the hope of the resurrection.
5. 11:28 Women with first trimester losses are often sent home with no instruction and their babies treated as medical waste, and many women carry guilt because they did not know they had a choice about their child's remains.
6. 15:35 Ten to 25 percent of known pregnancies end in loss, and 43 percent of women experience at least one loss in their lifetime, yet shame keeps most women from talking about it.
7. 20:50 Helpful words are "I'm so sorry for your loss," "your baby's life mattered," and an offer to pray for the baby by name; she warns against "it was God's will," "at least you can get pregnant," and "just trust God," pointing to Christ weeping at Lazarus' tomb.
8. 28:06 Parishes can acknowledge varied paths of fertility and loss, offer mercy meals and trisagion services for lost babies, give icons such as the Theotokos Protectus of the Unborn, include babies' names in Saturday of Souls prayers, and mark October as infant loss awareness month.